


Revenge of the Real Boy

by some_good_clean_fun



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29673351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/some_good_clean_fun/pseuds/some_good_clean_fun
Summary: Danny almost couldn’t believe it had only been a week. It felt like his life had been irrevocably changed. He’d started to view the world from a completely different perspective. He’d almost embarked on a whole new relationship. And he’d opened his life up to more scrutiny than ever before.(Weird stuff starts happening at Danny's house, he and Drew contact the Buzzfeed Unsolved guys to try and find out what's going on, and meanwhile they find themselves falling in love.)
Relationships: Danny Gonzalez/Drew Gooden
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	Revenge of the Real Boy

The dishwasher stopped working on Tuesday. Danny took a look but that area of technical expertise wasn’t really his forte and he couldn’t see what could be wrong. He performed the first step in any technical issue. Then he pulled it away from the wall a bit, jiggled the waste water tube. The error code coming up on display wasn’t in the instruction manual, and the person he talked to over the phone just told him to turn it off and on again. Which had been Danny’s first move, as per ushe. He chalked it up to a faulty appliance and asked for a replacement. Since it was well under warranty, he was assured one would be with him as soon as practicable. Which he assumed indicated ‘in about two months’.

On Wednesday, his garage door stopped opening with the clicker. He replaced the battery. No dice. He messed about with the frequency; still nothing. He could open the door manually, but that wasn’t very useful for when he arrived home from an outdoor excursion. And sure, he hadn’t been going outside a whole lot lately, but he at least wanted the ease of convenience. He was wary about leaving his Tesla in the driveway outside. Not because he thought it’d get stolen so much as not wanting the car to have to withstand the weather conditions. It was fucking freezing, all the time. 

On Thursday, nothing happened. Zilch. Zip. Zero.

Friday was one of the most chaotic days of Danny’s life. He picked Drew up from the airport. The roads were slippery as fuck, with black ice causing perilous moments that reminded Danny he very much loved staying alive. When they’d finally gotten home, driving at a snail’s pace because they’d witnessed two crashes, not only did his garage door opener not work, but his keys were somehow missing. It was only because he’d left a set at Laura’s that he and Drew ever made it into his house. 

When they went inside, there was a bag of flour all over the kitchen floor, seemingly tipped out of Danny’s pantry. The weirdest part was the wide oval silhouette at the side of the flour, like something that blocked its fall there and there alone. It took twenty-five minutes to tidy up, because Danny didn’t have an idea of what to do and attempted to use his vacuum. Afterwards he realized he probably should have used a broom instead, but who the fuck has a broom except to use as a prop for spooky videos? 

Friday night, there was a small grease fire in the kitchen. But that was Drew.

On Saturday morning, Danny woke up to a persistent tapping at his door. He called out ‘come in’, but received no response. When he opened his door, expecting to see Drew holding something, he found nothing until he looked down and saw a note printed in size 72 comic sans. It read ‘thanks for bringing me a friend. hope i don’t play with him too rough’. The next second there was a crash and Drew calling Danny’s name. 

Drew was on the ground in the guest bedroom, swaddled in a sheet, blanket and comforter that had been knotted around the bottom of his legs. 

“What the fuck?” Drew lamented. “You couldn’t even wait a day before setting a prank?”

“Oh please,” Danny replied, going over and lending Drew a hand, watching as Drew wriggled free of his bedding trap. “You’re not gonna convince me I did this in my sleep.”

“I’m not trying to,” Drew said, squinting. “Are you suggesting this wasn’t you?”

“This _wasn’t_ me.”

Drew stared into Danny’s eyes for an uncomfortably long 10 seconds. “Why do I believe you?”

“'Cause you trust me, like I trust you, and you know that if I were gonna prank you, I’d do a way better job. Drew, I, uh, I’ve gotta show you something.”

Danny showed Drew the note, clenching his jaw as Drew’s face became ashen. 

“Whoever stole your keys is fucking with us.”

Danny rocked back on his heels, his mind whirring through the possibilities. For a split second, he wondered if this really was Drew messing around, but he _knew_ that wasn’t the case. Drew would do something much more clever and subversive.

When had been the last time he’d seen his keys? It was such an automated action, picking his keys up from their bowl on the small stand he had near his doorway, putting them in the opposite pocket from his Ridge wallet. He didn’t understand how he hadn’t done that when he’d gone to pick up Drew, but it _had_ happened once before. In the hustle and bustle of getting his spares from Laura, it had never occurred to him to look if his original keys weren’t in their rightful place. He didn’t communicate any of this to Drew, just swiveled and marched toward the stand. 

There the keys were in their bowl, safe as houses.

Drew had followed him and watched as Danny swung the keys around his finger, his face troubled. 

“Danny, this house is a new build, right? It can’t be haunted.”

“I mean, I don’t know what was on this lot before. I’m not gonna say some racist BS about burial grounds, but there could’ve been some place that’d generate enough paranormal energy. I mean, if ghosts weren’t completely fictitious.”

“There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” Drew murmured.

Danny gazed at Drew; his pensive frown, the tense shoulders and goose pimples on his forearms. Drew was only wearing sweatpants, and Danny could acutely see every rise and fall of his chest. Drew’s ribs were on stark display, the small bump of his stomach sucked in. Danny felt a sudden swell of affection. 

“You’re pulling out the Shakespeare on me? It’s like seven in the morning.”

Drew’s expression lightened. “How did you know that was Shakespeare?”

“I went to High School, Drew. It was a compulsory part of my education. I might be kind of a moron when it comes to lords and whatnot, but I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

Drew smiled at him, his posture easing. He looked _proud_ of Danny, which Danny refused to find charming. “Okay. Sorry for underestimating you.”

“And overestimating the threat?”

“I’m not sure about that. You have to admit, this shit is fucking weird.”

“Yeah, I don’t like it,” Danny said darkly, before smacking himself in the forehead. “I have security cams. We can go through the feed and see who’s been sneaking around like a filthy little weasel.”

“I’m gonna get dressed first, if that’s okay.”

“Aww, I was enjoying the view.”

“All this deliciously milky white skin on display, sure.”

“I’m lactose intolerant. It was the body hair and pointed nipples that were doing it for me.”

Drew flipped him off as he went back to the guest room, and Danny decided to change too. 

That morning they meticulously went through all of Danny’s security feeds. He had four cameras outside and one inside. The four outside yielded nothing except who Danny was expecting to see. No one had entered the house and stayed there indefinitely. The security footage from inside was different. At three separate points, it was like the camera had been covered by something, but the perpetrator was never in view doing the obfuscation. 

Danny and Drew ate brunch as they discussed the results, coming up with theories that were becoming steadily more outlandish. They ranged from hauntings to basement dwellers, and the two of them went on a full scale house hunt armed with a Tac Bat and a baseball bat, but didn’t find anything amiss. There definitely wasn’t another human being living in Danny’s house, but Drew muttered that this didn’t mean there wasn’t another soul.

Drew asked if they could go sight-seeing, so they spent the rest of the day in Chicago, taking pictures at the Bean, shopping on Michigan Avenue, and eating deep dish pizza for dinner.

On Saturday night, Drew kept trying to persuade Danny to watch one more episode of _Married at First Sight_ , no, another one, no, just an additional episode after that, before Danny wrapped his hand around his arm. 

“You wanna sleep with me in my bed tonight?”

“Oh God, yes please.”

It had been a long time since Danny had slept with another person. He’d had hook-ups, but nothing that warranted an overnight stay, and he was a little self-conscious about how much he’d toss and turn and any nocturnal noises he’d make. But Drew honestly seemed so relieved to be invited to stay with him, that he quickly let those fears go. They lay on their backs side-by-side, chatting about everything and nothing, until Drew started yawning and his words petered off. Danny rolled onto his side, facing the wall, listening to the metronomic rhythm of Drew’s exhales and inhales. He fell asleep soon after.

On Sunday morning, Danny woke up as the little spoon to Drew’s big spoon. It felt good; Drew’s arm wrapped around his middle, one of his legs nestled between Danny’s, jets of air ruffling the fine hairs on Danny’s neck. Danny had one hand resting over Drew’s on his stomach, one foot tangled over his calf. Drew was a welcome warmth and Danny allowed himself the time to enjoy the sensation. 

It was obvious when Drew had awoken by the small snuffling noises he made, the tensing and relaxation of his muscles. Drew nuzzled into the nape of Danny’s neck for a second, tightened his hold, before he obviously fully came to and realized who he was snuggling. Drew pulled away gently, extricating himself from their hold. 

“Morning,” Danny ventured, rolling onto his back and stretching. 

“Morning,” Drew said, gazing at Danny with his cheeks pink and his lips parted. It was a very arresting sight.

“Are you ready to film our collab today?”

“Dude, you’re not even gonna feed me first?”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure I’ve got something around here that you can eat,” Danny said, stretching again and noting how Drew’s eyes widened and his gaze darted coyly away. 

“I’m gonna go hop in the shower before we do… anything,” Drew said after a beat or two. He aimlessly waved his hand in Danny’s direction -- an awkward farewell -- and left the room.

Danny smiled to himself, thinking about the fact that Drew was pretty fucking fearless when making crude jokes, so these reactions indicated genuine attraction. Danny imagined the possibilities. He was not at all averse to seeing where things could go between them. Just being near Drew gave him a huge serotonin boost and the idea of adding sex to that equation was alluring. 

Danny dressed and went downstairs to make breakfast, only to find the entire living area and kitchen covered in toilet paper. 

“Je _sus_ ,” Danny said, rubbing his hands down his face. “What the fuck?”

There was a yelp from upstairs and Danny ran to the top landing. “Drew, are you okay?”

“Did you turn on a faucet?” Drew asked back. “The water went from warm to freezing.”

“No, I didn’t,” Danny said. 

He realized he could hear running water coming from downstairs. He raced down again and tracked the sound to both the downstairs half-bath and kitchen basins. He turned them all off and called out, “Should be all right now,” but Drew came into the room dressed with a towel around his neck, his hair damp. His expression was one of deep concern. He was spreading his hands wide, gesturing to the toilet paper strewn everywhere.

“What the fuck is going on in your house, Danny?”

“I don’t know,” Danny admitted. 

They initially tried to roll the paper back up, but quickly realized this was an impossible task, and gathered it by the armful instead. In the living room, after they’d dumped the paper in the recycling bin and put the room back into its usual state, Danny saw that there was a note on the coffee table, size 72 comic sans, printed red instead of black. 

‘bored bored bored, why won’t you both play?’

“We need to go stay at a hotel. I’ll pay for the room,” Drew said upon reading the note. “I don’t know what curse you’ve gotten placed on you, but it’s creepy as fuck and you need protecting.”

Danny was oddly comforted by the declaration. 

“I don’t want you to waste your hard-earned cash. We could stay at my parents’, or with Laura, or Tim?”

“And how would you explain it to them?”

“That I had to hire an exterminator and needed to vacate the property for a few days?”

“And when those few days are up?”

“You make a good point. But, what, I’m supposed to sell my house, after only living here two years, because there’s some malevolent entity fucking with me? And what do I say to the new buyer? Do I dump these difficulties on them without warning?”

Drew frowned again, shook his head. “I don’t know. All I know is that you’re not safe here. This is escalating out of control.”

“Okay. All right. Let’s go somewhere else for a while to figure out what to do next.”

Danny packed a bag and Drew checked he’d put everything he’d brought back in his. Drew insisted on booking the hotel room in a different location to Danny’s house so they went to a nearby coffee shop and Drew booked the room after ensuring he was using ExpressVPN. Danny didn’t think to suggest he should book two rooms and later, while musing on it, wasn’t sure he’d have bothered regardless. 

The rest of the day they continued to sight-see while they discussed plans, until Drew came up with an idea so brilliant, Danny thought he might kiss him out of sheer joy. 

“My management agency works with Watcher sometimes. We could ask them to get in contact with Shane Madej and Ryan Bergara.”

“They know that real life exorcist! In fact, they probably know more than one by now. And other paranormal investigators! You are an actual genius.”

Danny let himself hug Drew, which Drew received with no complaint. 

Sunday night, they slept in the same bed, wrapped up in each other once again. There was no excuse for it this time, nothing other than pure desire. Danny luxuriated in being skin against skin, breathing in the same warm air, and listening to the steady, rapid thump of Drew’s heart. All they had done was hold on to one another, but they had almost kissed twice, and Danny could tell it was only a matter of time before one of them gave in. He was enjoying the tension. He wanted to keep it going as long as possible.

On Monday, Danny and Drew met Shane and Ryan at the coffee shop near Danny’s house. It turned out, Shane and Ryan had been filming another episode of _Weird Wonderful World_ nearby and had leaped at the opportunity to film an episode of _Buzzfeed Unsolved_ at another well-known YouTuber’s residence. 

Danny told them the story from the beginning. Shane rolled his eyes while Ryan became increasingly more excited. 

“This sounds like an absolutely classic haunting situation,” Ryan said. “Have you found any old photographs in your attic? Bought any dolls from antiques stores?”

“No and no,” Danny said, “My house is a new build and like most sane people, I find dolls ridiculously creepy.”

“We don’t know what was there before Danny’s home,” Drew said, shrugging. “Maybe knowing that would arm us with more understanding about what could be happening. I have my suspicions it was a school or a boarding house.”

“Great! This gives us some direction. Shane, you show the boys how to find out more about the property. I’m gonna call Brother Carlos and John Zaffis, see if they know anyone local who can help us out. Also, I’ll collect our EMF reader, Ghost Box and sleeping bags.”

“We’re gonna stay there tonight?”

“Of course, baby! How often do we get a golden ticket to a close paranormal interaction?”

Shane turned to Danny. “During the day he’s Mr. Confident McArrogant, but wait ‘til tonight. He’ll be pissing his pants.”

They parted ways, Danny and Drew following Shane to the nearby council. 

By late Monday afternoon, Danny had discovered that his lot had been vacant for the last three hundred years, as far as anyone knew. It’d been considered part of the nearby forest area, a nationally protected preserve, which had only been redeveloped within the past decade. If there were supernatural spirits, maybe they were fae and wood nymphs, not the ghosts of tortured children. 

They all reconvened at Danny’s house. It felt weird and spooky to be going inside again. Danny shared a worried look with Drew, who patted him on the back, and nodded in silent support. As soon as he was through the door, Danny saw a note stuck low on the wall. 

‘where did you go? it’s scary here without you’

Shane was his usual sceptical self, Danny could tell. He clearly thought this was all a set up. In any other circumstance, Danny would be right alongside him, but he had experienced too many bizarre occurrences to feel that way now. Ryan took on a leadership role and directed them on how to set up the equipment. Between Danny’s recording set-up and Shane and Ryan’s they had plenty of opportunities to capture an abundance of footage and sound. 

They ate Korean Beef Tacos with Speedy Pickled Onion, courtesy of Danny’s last Hello Fresh box. He was really glad he’d taken to getting multiple servings so he could have left-overs for lunch. 

“So you two are close friends, right?” Shane asked after dinner. “You obviously get along well. How do you handle your fanbases shipping you?”

Danny glanced at Drew, turned back to Shane. “I don’t have a problem with it. I mean, we kind of encouraged it early on, so it hasn’t come from thin air. Greg, at least, is usually respectful of my boundaries.”

“The Little Stinkers just want me to be happy,” Drew said. “And I’m flattered they think I could attract a smokeshow like Danny.”

“Oh man, you’re about to make me act up,” Danny said, nudging into Drew’s side. Drew smiled at him, gazing fondly.

“I think I can see why it isn’t an issue,” Ryan mock-whispered to Shane. 

They used the ghost box next, and apart from a brief moment when it seemed to say ‘Greg’, it didn’t yield any results. The noise was atrocious, and Danny could see why Shane had chosen to go to the other room while it cycled through radio waves. 

That night, all four men camped out in Danny’s living room. Shane began snoring within forty-five minutes, but Ryan jumped at every sound. Danny reassured him on a couple of occasions that it was his water heater or the opossum that lived in a nearby tree. At three in the morning, Danny followed Ryan on a flashlight tour of the house, but they didn’t find a thing. 

When he went back to his sleeping bag, he moved it closer to Drew’s and resolved himself to sleep. 

It was Tuesday again. Danny almost couldn’t believe it had only been a week. It felt like his life had been irrevocably changed. He’d started to view the world from a completely different perspective. He’d almost embarked on a whole new relationship. And he’d opened his life up to more scrutiny than ever before. 

Watching through the footage the cameras had shot really sealed the deal.

At 4.16 am, the camera in the kitchen had captured an astonishing sight. Hopping along the floor and the counters, opening all the kitchen cabinets and taking out all of the items was The Little Nutcracker Guy. There were no strings. It was impossible that he was being held by a corporeal being. The Little Nutcracker Guy, the one who usually resided in Danny’s office, was roving around with seeming ease turning Danny’s life into a living nightmare. 

“Holy shit,” Danny gasped. 

“I can’t believe I’ve finally gotten actual paranormal proof,” Ryan said, practically jumping up and down in joy. 

“I remember your vines, Danny,” Shane said. “You’re great at VFX. You’ve done this, haven’t you? You’ve doctored the recording?”

“Just what are you accusing him of?” Drew asked, coldly. “Danny was beside me all night. There was no way he could’ve messed around with your equipment, even if he had made this footage.”

Shane shrugged, raising his hands up. “Unless you’re both in on it.”

Drew rose to his full height, stepping in front of Danny. His arms were crossed against his chest. 

Ryan stepped in to diffuse the situation. “Shane, my camera hasn’t been touched. You know I use a fail-safe. This isn’t a prank. This is incontrovertible proof. Don’t be a sore loser. You know as well as I do that we’ve encountered inexplicable happenings before.”

“All right. _Fine_ ,” Shane said, tilting his head in apology.

“You remember that skit I did?” Danny asked Drew. 

“Yeah, of course. You terrorized half of Greg while delighting the other half.”

“What if I activated something real within The Little Nutcracker? He’s been with me through thick and thin. I’ve traveled with him, I’ve nurtured him, he’s been my only constant companion for the last four years. Maybe that’s created some kind of energy that’s brought him to life?”

“What about the other nutcrackers in the basement?”

“They’re my back-ups. I hardly ever go near them. But The Little Nutcracker Guy? He’s been behind me during every single one of my videos for years. That’s gotta count for something.”

Danny marched upstairs to his recording room. Saw The Little Nutcracker Guy peering out the partially closed door. The Nutcracker hopped back when Danny came close, was in his habitual position. Danny sensed Drew close behind him, but he held his hand back, asking him to stay away for the time being. 

“Hey,” Danny said, sitting cross-legged in front of the figurine. “You’ve been trying to get my undivided attention, so here it is. What do you want?”

The figurine twisted on the spot. It hopped three times quickly, three times slowly, then three times quickly again. It repeated the procedure and Danny realized it was Morse code for S.O.S.

“Help?” Danny asked. “With what?”

The Little Nutcracker Guy made its way over to Danny’s computer and used his novelty drinking bird to peck out the keys to spell ‘i get so bored. i want you to play with me.’ into Microsoft Word. 

It took a long time, but Danny decided to be patient. When he thought about it, The Little Nutcracker Guy hadn’t done anything actively malicious, just mischievous. He’d been acting like a naughty little boy.

“I can’t play with you all the time, buddy. I have my own life.”

‘i’m lonely,’ the figurine typed next.

“All right, okay. I understand. You want company. What if I bring up one of the other nutcrackers? Would that help?”

‘yes, but only a little’

“Did you want some activities to complete during the day when I’m not in here? What would be good for you?”

‘a ball? and some puzzles?’

The Little Nutcracker Guy hopped on the spot, swiveled from side to side like he was dancing.

“I can do that. But you gotta stop with the mayhem,” Danny reasoned. “Didn’t you notice you were scaring us?”

‘i’m sorry. but you scared me when you hit me.’

“Oh my God, of course. I’m so sorry. That was – uncalled for. I won’t hit you again, I promise,” Danny said, going closer to the figurine and brushing his fingers delicately over the top of its head. Upon the figurine tilting back and looking up at Danny, he picked him up and gave him a light hug.

“What’s going on up here?” Ryan’s voice cut into the sweet moment. He frowned at Danny and The Little Nutcracker Guy from the doorway. 

Drew smiled at him. “Danny’s solved the problem,” he explained. 

“I am so confused,” Ryan said. “Is this what we’re going with? Danny somehow manifested life into an inanimate object and then it messed around with him?”

“Yeah, it’s classic Frankenstein,” Drew replied. 

“This is too far-fetched even for _Buzzfeed Unsolved_ ,” Ryan lamented. “If it was haunted, it’d be one thing, but this? Ugh.”

He trudged downstairs and Danny could hear him and Shane packing up their things. 

“When you thanked me for bringing you a friend, you meant it, didn’t you? You like Drew too?” 

The Little Nutcracker Guy shook in Danny’s arms, tilting forward, like he was nodding. Drew came closer and rubbed the figurine’s head like Danny had done earlier, frowning slightly, but more in contemplation than disagreement.

By Tuesday afternoon, Shane and Ryan had given Danny all of their footage, thanked him for his time, but ultimately decided the whole experience was too weird for their audience. Some truths were better left hidden. Danny appreciated it. He felt kind of bad for pulling them away from their work, but he promised to appear in an episode of _Puppet History_ to make up for the hassle.

He’d set The Little Nutcracker Guy up with a basketball, his iPad displaying an online jigsaw puzzle, and one of the white-hatted nutcrackers. He’d been hearing the ball rolling around the floor for the last half-hour. 

“Hi,” Danny said to Drew quietly. He was sat on his armchair whereas Drew was on the couch.

“Uhh, hi?” Drew replied, looking up like a deer in headlights.

“Thanks for being here for me,” Danny continued. “Without you, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“You’re welcome. I’m happy I could be of absolutely no help whatsoever.”

“That’s not true. You trusted me. You supported me. It means a lot.”

“Well, I… care about you,” Drew said into his chest, a blush rising up his neck and into his cheeks.

“I care about you too,” Danny admitted. He went to sit next to Drew, picked up his hand. “I keep waiting to show you how much.”

“Why wait?”

“I don’t know. I thought it was exciting.”

“You’re as much of a menace as your little nutcracker son,” Drew stated. He licked his lips, gazed at Danny’s. 

Danny closed the distance between them, lifting Drew’s hand to place it on his shoulder, sliding his own hand around Drew’s waist. Kissing Drew was everything he could have hoped for; exciting, inviting, joyous. Drew kissed with such tender sweetness, it made Danny warm inside and out. 

On Wednesday, The Little Nutcracker Guy helped Danny fix his broken dishwasher and his garage door. He admitted to having stolen Danny’s keys and promised not to cause a ruckus in the future. In the meantime, Drew built him a little play set in Danny’s basement out of secondhand furniture and refurbished wood. 

It was all a little strange, but that’s the way Danny liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Greg! So it’s been over a year since I became one with you and I wanted to mark that with a fic posted on the anniversary of my first foray into expressing newfound Gregness. Falling into the Danny and Drew content spiral has honestly been a blast and helped me a lot when life became dark. Writing these hugely self-indulgent, sometimes experimental and frequently goofy fics playing with personas and trying to capture what I love about these good, good commentary men has been a total joy. Thank you for commenting, kudosing and clicking that bookmark button. Having other Gregs and Little Stinkers read along has made this experience even sweeter.


End file.
